Oblivious
by roankun
Summary: Oneshot 6: Goodbye Letter. Dear Shinichi, goodbye.
1. Eternal Rain

Thanks for checking this out. Please leave a review if you have some spare time. Thanks.

I actually had this idea since June, just never got around to writing it. Inspired by a lot of fics here in fanfiction, but the most recent is chapter two of "**Love is Unspoken**" by **grayfirefly**. This was also inspired by "**Konna ni Chikaku de**" by **Crystal Kay **and "**What Hurts the Most**" by **Cascada**. These songs have wonderful CoAi AMV's on y**t***. (Yes, I'm full of inspiration)

This story was made to be sweet, or maybe it was meant to be sad. Either way, it's a story of unrequited love, which all the oneshots here will probably be. Well, on to the story then.

**EIEN NO AME**

**Eternal Rain**

"Here, I'll walk you home."

He was holding out a hand to her, the bespectacled shounen was. He had an inviting smile on his lips. She took his hand gingerly, it was probably the smile that did it. It was probably the smile that made her fall in love with him in the first place.

.

It was early evening, ominous clouds were looming in the -almost- night sky. Having parted with the other members of the Shounen Tantei Dan just moments earlier, the three of them were supposed to head to their respective homes.

"Byebye, Ai-chan. Let's go, Conan-kun," said the 17-year-old, taking the brown-haired, blue-eyed boy by the hand.

The reddish-brown haired girl with aquamarine eyes watched them go, then forced her gaze away and started walking towards 'home.'

The boy glanced at the taller girl, then at the retreating back of the other. He suddenly ceased walking, tugging on the karate champion's wrist.

She smiled at him questioningly and asked, "What is it?"

"Ran-neechan," he said in a childish voice, "Imma gonna go walk Haibara home!" He put on a cute, concerned expression. "It's dark, and the clouds are also dark! She shouldn't go home alone!"

The older girl smiled, touched by the concern the little boy was showing for his best friend. _Aww... That's so cute..._

She let go of his hand and knelt to his height. "Alright, Conan-kun. Take care of Ai-chan, okay?" Mussing his hair a little, she stood up and waved goodbye, walking away without much of a backward glance.

He looked at the retreating back of the long-haired shoujo, then shifted his glance to the farther girl. He stood there, rooted, thinking how he could accompany her home without making her suspicious.

Then, something happened.

It was just an accident, the girl had tripped and most of her weight landed on her knee. The boy, hearing the thud of her hitting the cement, had immediately run to her side. Kneeling down to examine the wound, he smiled in relief when he saw that it was a mere scrape.

Standing up, he held his hand out to her, saying "Here, I'll walk you home."

She immediately rejected the idea, being a proud girl. She stood up and said, "I can take care of myself, Kudo-kun."

When the boy didn't retract his hand, kept that smile on his face and his gaze on hers, she hesitated. Maybe it was the smile, maybe it was his gaze. Or maybe she just wanted company at the time. Whatever it was, she met his eyes for a second before looking away, and a second after that, she took his hand, letting him lead her home with a hidden smile.

Arriving at the house of the inventor who treated her like a daughter, he had let go of her hand, barging in the gate like he had lived there all his life.

"Hakase!" he called out.

The girl, not trying to let on how sadness had filled her the moment he broke away, unlocked the door with her key and opened it saying, "Hakase's away on a convention right now."

He widened his eyes, and exclaimed in mock shock, "He left a little girl like you all alone!?"

She raised an eyebrow, scrutinizing him with her stare before commenting, "I suppose the only reason you came was because you had another favor to ask him."

The shrunken detective winced, a 'caught!' look on his face. "Was I that obvious?"

"Do you even have to ask?" she said with a smirk, entering the house.

The boy sighed. "Well, if the professor's not here, then I've got no reason to stay." He was about to say goodbye and leave when-

BOOM!

A flash of lightning streaked the sky, followed by a pour of rain.

"I guess you're stuck with me a little while longer," she commented, barely glancing at the rain outside.

The girl didn't bother to close the door, a subtle invitation for him to come in. The boy glanced at the dark, cloudy night sky, before following the girl and closing the door.

"So, Haibara," he said, trying to strike up a conversation, "Have you made any improvements on the antidote yet?"

It was a small, innocent topic, one that was only said for the purpose of small talk. But the boy didn't realize that it was the one thing the girl was sensitive of, the one thing that clutched at her chest in a combination of guilt and jealousy.

_If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have shrunk.__  
If it weren't for me, the two of them would never have been separated._

Whenever the antidote was brought up, whenever she was sitting in the lab, typing away, those thoughts would go through her mind.

_If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have to go through this hell._

But no matter how much guilt she felt about it, that wasn't the one thing she regretted the most.

No, the one thing she regretted, hated, _loathed_, was that she, by some miracle, had fallen in love with him.

That would've been okay, if she weren't so close to him.  
That would've been okay, if she weren't his best friend.  
That would've been okay, if he weren't in love with somebody else.

But she was close to him.  
She was his best friend.  
And he was in love with somebody else.

That's why it hurt.

Why every moment he was there, there was always something nagging her at the back of her conscience.  
Why every time he and that other girl were together, there was always a painful sensation in her chest.  
Why each and every living second, she wonders why she was still alive.

She should've been dead. If she were, she wouldn't have to deal with those things, the pain would've stopped.

But she wasn't. She was alive, her blood flowing through her veins.

Of course, she always had a choice. She could've chosen to die, to kill herself. She already made that decision long ago, it wouldn't have been hard to attempt once again.

But she didn't. Because she chose to live the painful days, chose to bear the hurt and suffering, just to be by his side.

So tears came, unbidden, just as the rain outside stopped.

The detective's eyes widened, shocked at the droplets flowing down her cheeks. He stepped toward the crying girl, though not having any idea what to do, what to say.

The girl wasn't sobbing, she wasn't breathing heavily as if she couldn't get enough air, she didn't even look remotely sad, if it weren't for the stream of tears. She was probably not even aware of them herself.

"Haibara..." the boy said gently, unconsciously wiping a tear with his thumb.

The girl snapped to attention, and, as if only noticing the wetness on her cheeks for the first time, hastily turned away from the boy and wiped her tears away.

But they didn't stop.

"Haibara..." he said whispered again.

"I'm not crying." The girl said it as if it were a fact, even though it was an outright lie.

He lightly touched her shoulder, slowly turning her around to face him. Though she resisted at first, she wasn't able to put up much of a fight.

With a defiant look, she glared at him. "Miyano Shiho does not cry," she stated, "It's just the rain."

The boy smiled a little, was about to comfort her by saying, 'But Haibara Ai does,' when she beat him to it, saying the words with a mixture of stubborness and determination.

"Miyano Shiho doesn't cry. Haibara Ai doesn't cry. Sherry doesn't cry. Whoever the hell she is, she doesn't cry!"

Softly whispering her name, he pulled her in for a hug, comforting his best friend. He didn't know what reason she had, didn't know **he **was the reason. All he knew was that he wanted to be there for her.

He didn't know how much he was hurting her by doing that.

"It's just the rain..." she muttered into his shirt, allowing herself to sink into his arms, even though she knew she'd regret it afterward. She knew she'd never forget the feeling, and she'll just be torn by the memories once again. But she allowed herself to savor his embrace, allowed herself temporary happiness.

They stayed like that, her tears not stopping, for what felt like a lifetime, and just a few seconds.

She finally came to her senses and put a little distance between them, not wanting to loathe herself more, not wanting to fall deeper in love with him. But she couldn't make herself completely pull away.

"You should go," she whispered, looking down, not meeting his eyes.

He should've left. That way, she could've picked up what was left of her pride, could've acted like nothing happened the next day. But he didn't.

"Are you kidding?" he replied, amusement in his voice. Then, his eyes softened, and a gentle smile graced his lips once more. And even though the rain had stopped, even though the only water flowing was from her eyes, he said, "You don't expect me to go home in this pouring rain, do you?"

He hugged her once again, and didn't let go this time.

He was an idiot.

_If you keep saying things like that, you'll never be able to go home._

_Because the tears just won't stop.  
Because __of the pain you're making me feel.  
And because... I don't want you to go._

_The rain won't ever end.  
_

**EIEN NO AME ~OWARI~**

**Eternal Rain ~The End~  
**


	2. Songs of Solitude

_~*People cry when they hear my song…*~_

**~Songs of Solitude~**

"Well… Haibara-san… What I wanted to ask was…"

He was acting jittery. I knew why, of course, but I saw no point in helping him. It's him who wanted it, it's him who should ask.

"What?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"I… well… you… ummm…" he couldn't stop stuttering. His eyes were darting all over the place, looking everywhere but me.

"I don't have as much free time as you think I do." It wasn't a warning, really. Just my way of saying 'just spit it out already.' A respectable idol doesn't say such words, though.

"Will... will…" He took a deep breath, seemingly getting his bearings. Getting down on one knee, he asked me, "H-Haibara-san, will you m-marry m-me?"

~*~

~*_But that's only because…_*~

~*~

I walked off the stage, slowly, taking one step at a time. No clapping was heard, despite the huge crowd that sat before me. The concert had ended with my newest song. My producer had expected a standing ovation; I didn't. After all, how could anyone clap when they're crying their hearts out?

As I reached the wings, my manager almost hugged me. _Almost_, for these past few years, there has only been one person who got into physical contact with me. They knew I didn't like being touched. Even reporters had backed away.

Why...? It wasn't really a question now. It's more like a fact. Everyone accepted it. No one asked why. They didn't need to know; I didn't want them to.

She had her hands over her eyes. Trying to hide the flow of tears, I assumed. A futile attempt, it was. Her sob could be heard, and her shoulders were shaking. "A-Ai-chan…" she finally managed to say through broken sobs.

"You did it, Haibara," said my potbellied producer, by my side, a safe distance away. He grinned, that childish grin from before, yet you could see the tears forming in his eyes. "I knew you could do it."

"But of course, Kojima-kun." I smirked. "I aim only for the best."

"Waaaaahhh!!" my manager bawled. "I'm so happy for you Ai-chan!" She threw her arms around me and wrapped me in a hug. Well, she would have, if I didn't evade her and make my way to my dressing room.

"I'll be going to my dressing room now, Yoshida-san," I excused myself.

"W-wait, Ai-chan!"

I stopped, but didn't bother turning around. "What?"

"Do you know why Conan-kun didn't come?"

My eyes widened for a second, and that made me somewhat glad that she couldn't see my face. Trying my best to keep my voice level, I replied, "Saa, who knows?"

~*_I reach out to their loneliness…_*~

I walked through the halls, passing some of the workers there. Some of them sent me adoring smiles, the others accompanying them with a "Otsukaresama." I merely responded with a nod. Ice Queen Ai's smile is a rare phenomenon, after all.

Finally, I made to my room. I put my hand on the knob, about to open the door, when I felt a presence inside. Suddenly alert, I rested my hands on the door, my ear following.

"C-calm down… Deep breath… Deep breath…" a voice inside said, a voice I knew.

I relaxed. _It's only Tsuburaya-kun, _I thought. Turning the knob and making my way inside, I saw my 'childhood friend' holding a bouquet of blood red roses.

"What might you be doing here." It wasn't a question. I wasn't curious enough to make it a question. Besides, Yoshida-san had been too conspicuous; there's no way for me not to know his motive.

_No, no, no. Not motive. Reason, _I corrected myself. _I've been with that idiot detective for far too long._

I sat down in front of the mirror and started removing the dark gloves I wore, all the while looking indifferent to his presence.

"W-Well… I-I just wanted to… well…" He shuffled his feet, as if he couldn't stand still. Offering me the flowers, he said, "Th-that was a wonderful performance, Haibara-san."

I sent him a short glance. "That's not the only thing you're here for, is it?"

"I…" He looked away for a second, blushing."Well, could you… will you… Willyouhavedinnerwithme?"

Laying the gloves on the dresser and taking the bouquet, I replied, "Sure."

His eyes lit up, and his expression was like that of a child getting a present from Santa on Christmas. "Really!?" he asked earnestly.

"I don't see why not. So long as it doesn't cause any sort of controversy. My reputation is at a critical phase right now."

"R-Really!?" he asked again.

"Yes, now go before I change my mind."

"H-Hai!" he ran like a puppy to the door and would have already left when he remembered. Taking a small step back inside he said, "Ummm… How's eight this Friday?"

Unbuckling the clasps on my sandals, I said, "No good. I have a recording until 7:30."

"N-Nine, then?"

"That's fine, I guess," I answer, thinking, _What kind of mess have I gotten myself into?_

~*_With a loneliness of my own._*~

"Otsukaresama!"

"Otsukaresamadeshita." I gave a small nod to the director and stepped down the set. Walking towards my manager, I noticed an unwelcome somebody standing next to her.

"Yo, Haibara," he greeted me with a wave.

I paid him no mind, merely taking the bottle of water Yoshida-san was offering me.

"Oi," he said, annoyed. "The meitantei Edogawa Conan has come to visit you. The least you could do is say hi."

"Hi."

He heaved a big sigh. "Whatever… Say, do you have a minute? I want to talk to you for a sec."

"If it's only a second, you don't need me for a minute, do you?"

"Jeez, won't you stop it already?"

"It's okay, Conan-kun," piped up the over-eager brunette. "They have a ten-minute break before the next taping starts."

"Oh, if that's so then- Oi Haibara!"

I walked away, giving him the choice to follow.

~*_And so if this feeling vanishes…_*~

"Jeez, Haiba-"

"What are you doing here?" It wasn't a demand, really. It just sounded that way.

I was standing beside the vending machine. He was sitting on the floor, just a few inches from me, leaning his back on the wall.

"Well, there was a murder the next block over. We're just wrapping up the case, so I thought might as well drop by."

_I knew it._

"Anyway, I heard your concert skyrocketed the company's sales. A full house, was it?"

"Something like that."

He frowned a little. "Hey, the least you could do is tell me the details. I mean, you sent Hakase a ticket, but then you tell me not to come? Come on, how unfair is that?"

"I don't see anything wrong with it."

"Of course there's something wrong with it! We're best friends and yet-"

"We're not best friends."

"Sure we are. A shared suffering, remember?"

"…"

"Well, now that I hooked up with Ran even though I'm Conan and you're now the hottest top idol since Ogata Rina, I guess it's not that much of a suffering huh?"

"I'm going back."

"Hey wait-"

"I'm at work, Kudo-kun. So are you."

"But-"

"Goodbye." I started the taking the few steps that would bring me back to the set. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder, freezing me in place. In an ice-cold voice, I asked, "What do you want?"

"Just one question."

I brushed his hand away, sending him a backward glance. There was a serious glint in his eyes. "What?" I asked in a bored, uninterested tone.

"Why are your songs all so sad?"

_For him, of all people, to notice…_

I smirked, hiding everything behind my poker face. "I didn't know you listened to my songs, Kudo-kun."

"Y-Yeah, well…" He scratched the back of his head self-consciously. "There's also the fact that I heard everyone cried at your concert…"

"Snooping around my life now?"

"No, I… Ayumi-chan told me."

"I see." I answered in a tone that said 'let's end this conversation.' I turned my back completely to him and started walking.

"Hey! You didn't answer my question!"

"You're the detective here. You find out." _Even if I don't want you to._

"That's…" In a soft whisper, I heard him say, "Is it because you're sad, too?"

I pretended I didn't hear him.

~*_The times when I'm with you…_*~

"How was it, H-Haibara-san?"

Tsuburuya-kun had led me to quite an expensive restaurant, a three-star one, if I'm not mistaken.

Dinner was braised venison shoulder with aromatic cabernet sauce, pan fried spaetzle and red cabbage. I didn't eat much; the calories would come haunting me later. Neither did Tsuburuya-kun, however.

"Well… Haibara-san… What I wanted to ask was…"

He was acting jittery. I knew why, of course, but I saw no point in helping him. It's him who wanted it, it's him who should ask.

"What?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"I… well… you… ummm…" he couldn't stop stuttering. His eyes were darting all over the place, looking everywhere but me.

"I don't have as much free time as you think I do." It wasn't a warning, really. Just my way of saying 'just spit it out already.' A respectable idol doesn't say such words, though.

"Will... will…" He took a deep breath, seemingly getting his bearings. Getting down on one knee, he asked me, "H-Haibara-san, will you m-marry m-me?"

I crossed my arms and sent him a smirk. "Now why would I, a rising star, do that?" Conceited of me, I know. It's just a thing I tend to do at such times.

"Th-that is…" He seemed surprised. It's not a normal reaction, after all. "I…"

"You what?"

He balled his hands into fists, as if making up his mind. He looked up at me, meeting my eyes squarely.

"I love you Haibara-san. I can make you happy."

_So it's that sort of thing…_

"No," he continued, "I _will _make you happy. So please… Marry me."

I stood up, picking up my bag. I gave him a short smile, the only smile he has seen on my face since ten years ago. The light in his eyes was fluctuating between hope and despair.

"Tsuburaya-kun."

His knuckles turned white.

"Even when I'm with you, I can still sing."

I left him there, kneeling to an empty seat.

~*_I won't be able to sing anymore._*~

**~Songs of Solitude end~**

**Disclaimer: **Detective Conan ain't mine. I don't have enough money to buy it.

**References/Glossary: **Otsukaresama** – **Thanks for the hard work

Saa - it's like answering in a non-comittal way. So yeah, it can also mean "who knows"

Hai – Yes

Ogata Rina – the idol in White Album. I've been getting hooked to it. ^^

**Author's Note: **I put this in the end because I thought it might ruin the mood or something. Well, yeah, it's been a long time since I last wrote for Conan. Actually, this was updated because, well, there's waaaayy too much KaiShin here. ^^

Anyway, if you didn't get the fic, here's a lowdown. Each ~*~ designates a change in time. The first part was kinda a look in the future or maybe the rest were all flashbacks; you decide. This happened in the future, where Conan and Ai have accepted their destiny.

~*_People cry when they hear my song…_*~  
~*_But that's only because…_*~  
~*_I reach out to their loneliness…_*~  
~*_With a loneliness of my own._*~  
~*_And so if this feeling vanishes…_*~  
~*_The times when I'm with you…_*~  
~*_I won't be able to sing anymore._*~

Yeah, something like that. ^^ Anyway, leave a review, why don't you?

P.S. Not beta'd. Just made this on an impulse during midnight. If you spot any mistakes, please tell me.


	3. Unseen Confessions

**~Unseen Confessions~**

"I love you."

He looked at me with such serious eyes. My eyes almost welled up with tears; my heart with love. Who would've thought he would say those three little words to me?

Even though it's already far too late.

~*~

~*~_Those three little words_~*~

~*~

He took a deep breath, like he was just about to give a deduction show about his latest case. It wasn't like that, though. Not like that at all.

The first words that came out of his mouth were,

"I love you."

His eyes were fixated on me. His hands were closed in fists, his knuckles turning white. His knees, which had been shaking the way they did whenever we faced _them, _were now as firm as his determination.

I looked at him in the eye. _How serious is he about all this?_

"When I finally realized how I feel, I couldn't believe it. 'Why you?' I had to ask myself. It wasn't love at first sight, that much I'm sure of. I don't believe in such shallow feelings."

I raised my eyebrow at him. _What sort of crap are you spouting now?_

"W-Well, I mean," he said, dropping his eyes and shuffling his feet. "I know I'm being weird. Saying this all of a sudden. But…"

He looked back up at me, those blue orbs drawing me in.

"I know you feel the same way."

I tried not to show any expression. _Any move would mean defeat._

"That's why…" He walked towards me, one step. Two. Dropping down to his knee, he held out his hand, clutching a small box I hadn't noticed.

"Will you marry me…"

I almost said yes. God knows I almost did.

"Ran?"

It was like a call from reality, like a splash of cold water, like dropping down into the abyss from heaven. I couldn't help but be disgusted by myself, getting so entranced by such a performance.

_God, what is wrong with me?_

Letting out a deep breath, he closed his eyes and flopped down onto the oriental carpet spanning the floor of the entire living room. Opening his eyes, he grinned up at me and asked, "Well, what do you think?"

Taking a seat on the leather-covered sofa, I took a sip of the tea he had prepared earlier. "So-so, I guess," I answered non-committally.

He frowned, then gave me a dry stare. "What do you mean so-so? That was my best performance!"

"Then Kudo Shinichi's acting must be as bad as his singing," I retorted. "Stuttering in the middle, saying idiotic lines like," I imitated him in a high-pitched voice, "_I don't believe in such shallow feelings_."

"Wh-" He had blushed an ashamed shade of red. "What the hell's wrong with that!?"

"Not to mention," I continued, ignoring him. "You even said, '_I know you feel the same way.' _Kudo-kun, just how arrogant are you going to get?"

He had stood up, a foot forward defiance, his chin tilted up in stubbornness. "I'm not being arrogant! It's the truth!"

I sighed, took a sip from my cup. "If it's the truth, then just drag her to the church and get it over with. You're being a bother."

"W-Well, of course," he stuttered, that air of defiance disappearing. I know I must be bothering her, taking so long but-"

"A bother to me," I interjected. "I could be working on the sister of APTX 4869 yet you're here asking for help on how to confess to your childhood-friend-who-is-also-your-crush-who-also-happens-to-have-a-crush-on-you-but-you're-both-in-denial-and-it's-pissing-me-off_._" Throwing the cup to him, I said, "If you think you know everything, then don't come asking for help."

He seemed speechless with my little description of their oh-so-annoying relationship. "Uhh…" he mutters, pointing to the cup he caught. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

"Wash it." I walked towards safe haven. "Lock the door when you leave."

"Hey wait! You're gonna lock yourself in your lab again?" he had somehow caught my shoulder in a tight grip.

"Yes, I am." I sent him a backward glance, accompanied by a glare. "Got a problem with that, _tantei-kun?_"

"You can't do that." He was whining like a child. "I haven't practiced enough."

I sighed, for the third –or was it fourth?- time. Brushing his hand off, I pointed towards the coffee table and said, "Pour me a new cup."

He beamed, that Conan-grin that Yoshida-san loved. "Aye aye, Captain!" He held them with nimble fingers, slowly transferring tea from kettle to cup. Frowning, he offered me the cup saying, "I guess it somehow cooled down during our little session."

Sitting down in the loveseat, I took the cup, smiled like I was grateful, and splashed the contents on his face.

"What the f—"

Putting the cup down, I wore a bored mask as I said, "If you really want to marry her, just say what you want to say. Meaningless preparations such as this can't help you on the stage."

He blinked, once. Twice. His anger seemed to dissipate with the warmth of the tea.

"Y-You mean…"

He settled down on the sofa beside me. Three inches from me. Two. Too close for comfort. Putting my hands on his shoulders to push him away, I grated out, "What are you trying to do!?"

He caught my hands in his.

Electricity ran through my body.

He released one hand, letting mine drop down to my lap, his traveling to my face. Caressing my not-red cheeks, he whispered, "I love you."

He looked at me with such serious eyes. My eyes almost welled up with tears; my heart with love. Who would've thought he would say those three little words to me?

Even though it's already far too late.

He had already fallen for her. I had already fallen to hell.

Tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, he continued, "Will you marry me?" He smiled, a soft smile. "Like that?" he whispered in a barely-audible voice.

Regret.

I knew I would feel it soon. And I knew why I would sense such emotions.

I left him lying there on the sofa as I made my way to my lab. My right hand was touching my lips, the left clutching the stun-gun wrist-watch. A voice was heard whispering these words.

"…I love you…"

**~Unseen Confessions end~**

**Disclaimer: **DC ain't mine, be it Da Capo or Detective Conan.

**Author's Note: ** D'awww… I can't believe I wrote that sort of ending. So… sad, somehow. ^^

Aw crap… I'm being too depressing lately. Sigh. Btw, to those who were looking forward to a sequel to LLN12, I'm not so sure if it's gonna come to life. I'm trying to aim for the same atmosphere as the original, but it's always turning out depressing, with lots of drama. Sigh…

I'm also quite surprised at myself. I do these oneshots in one sitting now…

Anyway. Review, please?


	4. Blissful Ignorance

Author's Note: What is happening to me? I've been writing depressing stories… Jeez… I wrote this because a reviewer told me to stop going down the the Shiho 'breakheart' route :P but it seems I failed. Gomennasai. Not beta'd, not rechecked. Me ish not in no mood to do such bothersome things. ^^

Anyway, hope you enjoy, and if you have time, leave a review afterwards, okay? ^^

Glossary: Tadashii - correct

**~Blissful Ignorance~**

Squeezes of consolation. Hugs of comfort. Kisses of passion.

When I look back on it, it's hard to believe, almost inconceivable, how things turned out this way.

A day alone. A call for company. An affair—

No… No. No, it's not an affair. It's merely a moment when both of us lose all sense of rational thought.

It's nothing serious. No strings attached. Neither of us talked about it, neither of us mention it. It's almost as if it doesn't happen. We see each other every day. People see us merely as friends, maybe even just acquaintances. They don't know the truth.

Maybe I don't either.

Maybe I'm just living a lie.

Maybe... Maybe.

~_It's just simple kissing_~

Click. Click.

Facing my computer, I was busy typing today's post. I sighed and paused, my hand over the keyboard. _This is enough, isn't it?_

Absolute silence rested over me as I reread the lies and truth I've written.

Ding dong.

The sound came from the entrance, breaking the hush. Looking out the window, I spotted that dark brown cowlick by the door, the hand of its owner pushing the doorbell. I bit my lip and looked down in bliss — in guilt of that bliss.

_How could he shamelessly keep on doing this?_

I smirked. How idiotic. It's not just him who was shameless. Weren't I the same?

"…bara…"

I heard his call. Pushing the 'enter' button, I waited for the site to publish my blog before turning the computer off. With a sigh, I stood up and left my dark, lonely room. Not that it'll be lonely for much longer.

~_No one has to ever know~_

"Kudo-ku—"

My barely welcoming greeting was cut short by his lips. He forcefully pushed me inside, his other hand closing the door. Pulling away a little, he whispered in my ear, "Ran went to a seminar in London. She won't be back for the weekend."

I shoved him away, walking off. "I kind of thought so," I whispered in reply, scarcely looking back at him. Regaining my normal volume, I asked,"So, what do you intend to do here?"

He grinned cockily, flopping down on Hakase's sofa like he owned it. "Why, keep you company, of course," he said, "What did you think?"

"Being here to bother me seems highly likely, don't you think so?" I answered, seating myself across from him.

"A rich man came to my office recently," he said, standing up and acting like I hadn't spoken. "He wanted me to help him decide."

"I'm not interested in your cases, Kudo-kun."

Another lie.

He took a step towards me. "He inherited a huge mansion lately…"

~_What she doesn't know won't hurt her_~

It was a game.

Ever since we started this, it became a routine. He'd come and start a foolish explanation on his latest case, expecting me to answer it. Was it a fetish of some sort?

That, I do not know. But he does seem to enjoy seeing me solve his cases.

There was once a time, when I deduced incorrectly.

He left after saying goodbye, without any of the passionate kisses, none of his burning touches.

It left me a little less guilty, yet more incomplete than it should have.

Ever since then, I've never made a wrong deduction.

It left me with more guilt, more shame, yet I realized that I'd rather be guilt-ridden than be deprived of his touch.

That's the hypocrite that I am.

_~As long as I don't let it show~_

"…and the gardener that used to work for his now deceased father informed him of a will stating that the inheritance belongs to his brother, not him."

He sat down beside me, putting his feet up on the coffee table, settling his eyes on the ceiling.

"He said that such a will might actually exist, considering that he and his father had a fight regarding his marriage. The gardener said he holds possession of the said will, and demanded half a million yen in exchange for it."

He flashed that grin again, facing me this time.

"As it was dated on the thirty first of November, the day after the executed will, he claimed it would still be legally recognized."

Barely touching my chin with his finger, he asked, "Now, should my client pay or not?"

Meeting him straight in the eyes, I replied, "He shouldn't."

"And that's because…?" he prodded me on.

"November only has thirty days," I continued, closing my eyes, waiting for his kiss.

"Tadashii," I heard him say, feeling his breath on face lips before the warmth of his lips.

_~We'll keep it just between us~_

The first time it happened, I was struck by surprise; my eyes wide open as his lips settled on mine.

"Wh-what are you doing?" I had asked him.

He had pulled away, mirroring the surprise on my face.

"I-I don't know," he had answered.

He had taken a step backward then, be it in repulsion or just a realization of reality. Perhaps he hadn't been paying attention; that was the most plausible reason. What else could it have been?

What else could have caused him to trip, falling forward and making contact with my lips once again?

Whose fault was it that I couldn't stop myself, couldn't help myself from succumbing to the sweetness of his kiss?

He was equally at fault anyway, putting his arms around me and pulling me closer.

Yes…

We were both at fault.

_~Bottled up inside~_

Sitting on the bed in the middle of the room that looked like it didn't belong to anybody, he trailed butterfly kisses from my jaw line to my cheek, tempting me to push him down and play the dominant.

But I couldn't do that.

No, I couldn't.

Because we'd never gone farther than kisses before.

Because if we had, I doubt my conscience would be able to take it.

Because I could still feel the presence of the old man who took care of me for so long.

Even though he had died a month after I had regained my initial body, I still believed that he watched over me. I kept the name 'Haibara Ai,' because I believed that he would never watch over the murderer Miyano Shiho.

And yet here I was.

Doing just this much already made me cringe, made me think _'What have I become?',_ made me want to apologize for betraying him.

Though even that was a bizarre thought.

There was no way I could betray him, because I hadn't broken any promises.

I hadn't promised to steal Kudo-kun. _Not that I could steal him anyway._

I hadn't promised not to be a lying, stealing bitch. _Yet look at what I've become._

I hadn't promised anything. _And that's why I've become like this._

"Haibara?"

I suddenly felt the wetness on my face, the finger wiping away the tears. I realized I had been crying and thought bitterly, '_Is this how weak I've become?'_

Even though he had already seen it, I attempted to hide the fact that I had been crying by kissing him. Closing my eyes and pressing my lips forcefully against his, I felt him giving in to desire.

_Please forget this._

_~Just our little secret~_

"See you, then, Haibara?"

He stood by the doorway with an uncertain light in his eyes.

I was sitting on the sofa, looking like I was focusing on the magazine I was holding.

"Yes, Kudo-kun. Goodbye, farewell, see you in hell."

He had his hand on the knob, and he had almost when he stopped. He had his back to me, but still he said, "About earlier…"

My grip tightened, the pages of the publication all but tearing. I waited for him to continue.

"No… nothing."

The only sound after that was the click of the door closing.

_~Yes, just our little secret~_

"I insist!"

"But Ran—"

Voices were coming from the front yard. There was no need to see who they were. Just by the tone, it was obvious that it was _those_ two.

"I haven't seen Ai-chan for weeks. I'm sure she must be lonely! Besides, what harm can a little visit do?"

"You know Haibara. She's always busy and—"

I opened the door and saw them; the woman holding a pot of what seemed like curry, the man having an exasperated look on his face. With a small nod, I said, "Good morning."

"Good morning, Ai-chan!" she answered with a smile. "See, Shinichi? Ai-chan doesn't mind." She made her way inside without any encouragement.

Left outside, he shrugged, then stepped inside like his fiancée.

_How could you be so calm?_

Closing the door, I followed them into the kitchen. Getting there, I watched as the woman busied herself, setting the table, ordering him to help. All the while smiling.

I clenched my fists. _If you only knew._

"Hey, Ai-chan. We haven't been able to talk lately. What's happening?"

I smirked. _Don't you know, Mouri-san? Ignorace is a gift._

_Sometimes, it's better not to know._

She filled the plates with curry rice before seating herself beside the cocky detective. "Come on, Ai-chan. We can talk while we eat," she suggested, not erasing that smile of hers.

_Someone like you wouldn't understand._

I took a seat across her, eyeing the two of them as she tried feeding him. He blushed but consented, the red in his cheeks matching that of his food.

_You don't know anything anyway._

She sent me a glance, and I almost expected her to say something cheerful again, but instead I saw something in those eyes.

_You don't know anything… do you?_

**~Blissful Ignorance end~**


	5. Deceitful Devotion

Author's Note: This was actually based off a story entitled "Do You Love Me?" and yeah, the plot's pretty much the same, but I really liked it.

Anyway, this is going through a different route this time. I was actually planning on a long fic using the storyline of this (might get around to it if I ever get the will to), but for now, I guess I'll just settle for this (one of my shortest yet). For those who don't understand, well... Too bad. Can't help you with that. ^^

Oh, and HanaLala, the pairing is whoever the reader thinks it is. I'm not one to dictate because the writer is the reader's servant, yet the characters' master. ^^

Again, not beta'd not rechecked. Not in the mood (again).

Disclaimer: I don't own Detective Conan. If you think I do, well... I'm flattered ^^

Terms: Ohayou - Good morning

~**Deceitful Devotion**~

It was three o'clock in the morning, yet she was still awake. Of course, she wasn't a stranger to almost-dawn moments like these. However, ever since two years ago, she could not remember staying past midnight, doing nothing. Just like this.

Though, she wasn't exactly doing _nothing._ She had tossed and turned in bed, in some vain attempt to get comfortable and go to sleep. But it was nights like these when unwanted thoughts invaded her mind; thoughts she knew she just couldn't get rid of.

She had tried to forget them, some four months ago. Even resorting to drugs to erase her memory, she had thought she'd finally discarded such thoughts, when she realized that she could still remember which thoughts she wanted removed. A failure, she had labeled the project.

Now, with her head rested on the bare chest of the man beside her, she knew she wouldn't be sleeping that night. She couldn't help but let her mind wander, recalling those days when she saw caution in his eyes, hesitation in his movements.

~_*~*~_

It had been a few months before. His proposal was something she expected, yet she had a feeling that she shouldn't have. With the seaside as his witness, he had knelt before her and asked the four words that made her heart leap out of her mouth.

She had said yes. What else could she have said?

Now, with barely three months before their wedding, that girl had come over. Apparently, she had been the one assigned to design her dress. When she opened the door, she had said "Ohayou, Ai-chan… Shinichi."

The greeting had started with a cheerful tone, dropping to a solemn whisper at his name. She, who had been standing by the doorway with a smile, had taken small, forced steps inside the lonely room.

Odd, for it to be called lonely, what with three occupants and all. Still, that's how it seemed. With bare walls and only the sofa and coffee table in the center, the room had held nothing else but the three people and the tension between them.

"Ohayou, Ran."

The detective's face had showed indifference, apathy. With barely a smile on his lips, he had nodded at the fashion designer before focusing his attention once again on the case files he held in his hands.

The girl had looked down, in a lonely, yet uncaring manner. With a barely visible shake of the head, she had regained her positive disposition and suggested, "Why don't we start now?"

She had complied, being passive and following the girl's orders. But she knew better.

She knew they weren't really indifferent, weren't really uninterested in the presence of the other. She knew.

She had seen the gleam of longing in their eyes, both of them.

She knew they wanted to be with each other; knew the girl didn't want to be the obedient doll her logical side wanted her to be; knew the boy actually wanted to be with that other girl, not her; knew that she was living a lie.

Yet she didn't do anything about it.

She kept living the days in her laboratory, the nights in his arms.

~_*~*~_

She looked up at his sleeping face, brushed back the hair that covered his eyes. She tried to convince herself that he really did love her, tried to remember the times he had showered her with his love.

It shouldn't have been so hard a task. After all, his embraces had come often, his kisses even more. But she knew there was something in his every hug, every kiss.

She remembered how he hesitated with every cuddle. She remembered how he stiffened whenever he enveloped her in his arms. She remembered how he always watched her from the corner of his eye, as if she were a wolf that would eat him any minute.

She tried telling herself she was being paranoid, tried convincing herself that she was over thinking things. She probably was. But she couldn't shake the feeling that he saw their relationship as a burden he had to carry. The love of her life stayed by her side because he _needed _to, not wanted to; as if it were a job he couldn't _not _do.

She couldn't bear looking at his face anymore, so she buried her face in his chest. _Shinichi, _she thought, _Did you really ever love me?_

The detective stirred with a small groan. "Haibara?" he said, looking down at the woman with drowsy eye. He blinked, in an attempt to fully wake himself. "You're still awake? What's wrong?"

He had tucked a lock of hair behind her ear when she looked up at him. He gazed back with seemingly expectant eyes.

"I…"

She tried to force the words out, tried to voice the question that kept flitting in her mind. But before she even opened her lips, she knew that her will had broken, knew that those thoughts would forever remain unsaid.

Resting her head on his chest, avoiding his eyes, she just said, "Shinichi… I love you."

He answered with his well-rehearsed, automatic response. "I love you, too."

~**Deceitful Devotion end**~


	6. Goodbye Letter

**~Goodbye Letter~**

Dear Shinichi,

This is probably the last you'll ever hear from me.

I have a lot I want to say to you; so much that this piece of paper wouldn't be enough to convey them all. But I'll try. I'll take this chance, thinking that even if you hate me for this, it wouldn't matter. Because by then, I'd be gone.

Shinichi, I…

The first time we met, you hated me. That wasn't a surprise; I did tell you I had killed the Professor. I assumed then that you were no different, that you were the same as other detectives. That you would have turned me away and turned me in to the police.

But you didn't. Instead, you let me cry into your arms. It wasn't much; in fact, it really isn't. Now that I think back on it, you could have hugged me, or gave me words of comfort, but you didn't. Instead, you just let me. With my tears flowing down my face, you just stood there, letting me wet your blue shirt.

It was blue, wasn't it?

How ironic.

I can't even remember the face of my sister, yet I can still remember exactly how you looked on that day. I should have known then.

But I didn't. Instead, it took me this long, to realize. With the many simple acts of kindness you've shown me, I finally realized it.

Shinichi… I love you.

I love you so much, but I can't say it out loud. I love you, but I have to bottle it all up inside. You know why? Because I don't want to stain the fairytale-like romance you have with her. Because I, more than anything else, want you to be happy, even if it's not with me.

And that's why I'm saying goodbye.

When you see this letter, you'll know everything. To tell the truth, I'm starting to regret writing all of this. Maybe I shouldn't have--

* * *

Dear Shinichi,

We were never friends.  
We were never even close.  
So why does the thought of leaving you,  
Make me hurt the most?

I tried to forget your name  
Tried to forget your face  
Tried to forget your voice  
And tried to forget your embrace

I--

* * *

Shinichi,

I have to say goodbye now.

I knew you'd oppose so I didn't say anything before this. But you know what? I have to. Because there's something here that's keeping me from staying.

Please explain to the Shounen Tantei. I may not have meant much to them, but I know Haibara Ai does. The same with the Professor. Tell them I'm sorry I couldn't personally say goodbye.

And also, I apologize. To you. For not being able to create the antidote fast enough. If it weren't for me, you probably wouldn't--

* * *

Kudo-kun,

The antidote is in the aspirin bottle in the kitchen drawer. Give the Professor my regards.

Sherry

**~Goodbye Letter end~**

**Author's Note: **Well... That was sad. I think I missed a line there or something (in fact, I think I missed a lot), but it seemed to flow okay enough...

For my cousin, who is obviously reading this and can't understand the sheer beauty of this chapter (take that! :P), this a goodbye letter that Haibara wrote to Shinichi. The first ones were 'failures,' and Haibara trashed them. So the **real **note, the one Shinichi read, was the last one, and he never knew of the other letters. Got it?

Review please! (i'm serious =_=) ^^


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